Caring for a Parent with Dementia: One Daughter’s Story of Finding Safety and Peace of Mind

When Jill speaks about her mom, Rianne, 84, she doesn’t begin with what has changed about her, but who she’s always been. Jill describes her as “fabulous,” the kind of person who notices details, likes things done a certain way, and is full of personality and charm.

“My mom is my best friend,” she says without hesitation. “My whole life we talked two or three times a day, no matter where she was in the world.”

The changes she noticed in her mom came on gradually. A forgotten signature recipe, a misplaced item, or a reaction that wasn’t characteristic of her. Those moments at first felt easy to brush off, but over time, became harder to ignore.

“She got to the point where she couldn’t remember how to cook anymore,” Jill recalls. “She didn’t even know how to turn on the stove.”

Increasing anxiety, frustration, and moments that didn’t make sense began to become common place for Rianne. Nights grew unsettled, and days unpredictable.

For Jill, supporting her mom through what she knew was cognitive decline wasn’t just difficult, but constant.

“Every time I saw her, I was on edge,” she divulged. “I didn’t know what I was walking into when I’d show up at her house.”

As her mom’s needs grew, Jill took on everything. She managed appointments, checked in constantly, and did all she could to keep her safe. But the emotional toll was building in the background.

“I wasn’t sleeping, I had anxiety too. I just wasn’t myself anymore,” she recalls, the weight of that time still evident.

As the situation became more complex and increasingly unsafe, Jill knew the time had come for a change in Rianne’s living environment. She began visiting retirement residences, trying to find somewhere that felt right. Many just didn’t feel like her mom.

Then she walked into Chartwell Waterford in Oakville, Ontario.

“The moment I walked in, it didn’t feel institutional—it felt like a club,” she says.

That feeling mattered more than it might seem. Rianne had once been a member of a golf club in Florida—also called Waterford—and something about the setting felt familiar in a way Jill knew would resonate. Even now, her mom still refers to it that way.

“She tells me she’s downstairs at the club,” Jill says, smiling. “And I think—perfect.”

When it came time to move, Jill knew she had to handle it carefully. She planned everything in a single day: family took her mom out for a shopping trip and lunch, while Jill and her helpers moved Rianne’s belongings, set up her suite, and recreated as much familiarity as possible—from the layout to the smallest details. When Rianne was brought to her new residence, everything was already in place.

“It had to feel like home the moment she walked in,” Jill says, believing it was the best way to ease her mom’s transition.

Then came a decision that was just as important as the move itself. Jill took a step back in her caregiving role for the first time in a long time.

“I took a short vacation with friends to try and decompress,” she explains. “I needed to give my mom the space to adjust, too.”

It wasn’t easy. Just a couple days in, the emotion caught up with her.

“I cried for an entire day. It all came out.”

But underneath that emotion, there was something she hadn’t felt in a long time: relief that her mom was safe.

In the weeks and months that followed, things began to settle. The anxiety and unpredictability of each day lessened for both Rianne and Jill, thanks to the dedicated support of Chartwell Waterford staff. With the right support in place, as well as a new, established routine for mom, something Jill didn’t anticipate happened: her mom’s personality began to re-emerge.

“She tells me she loves me,” Jill says, her voice catching slightly. “She talks to me kindly again. That part of her dementia has eased…and that’s everything.”

Today, her mom moves through her days at her residence with more ease. Rianne gets her hair done, socializes during meals, and lives in a place that feels familiar enough to call “the club.” She doesn’t have to remember everything anymore or try to manage daily tasks like cooking and cleaning.

The change that has come because of Rianne moving to a retirement residence has been just as significant for Jill.

“I’m a completely different person now,” she says. “I’m calmer and happier.”

After everything she had been carrying, there’s now space to breathe.

“There’s this huge weight that’s lifted. She’s safe now,” she says. “Now I just get to be her daughter again.”

She adds, “It’s been life-saving for her, and honestly, life-giving for me.”

Looking back, she knows how difficult that decision was to move her mother from a home she’d always known to a retirement residence, and how much emotion came with it. But she also sees something clearly now that she didn’t at the time.

“You’re not taking something away from them,” she says of considering retirement living. “You’re giving them something they can’t have on their own anymore, like safety and support.”

Her advice to other adult children navigating a similar situation?

“There are opportunities on the other side of that door,” she concludes. “I promise you.”

Interested in retirement living for your loved one? Here’s how to get started

If Jill’s experience has you thinking about retirement living for a loved one, you’re not alone. Many families are exploring options that can help their loved ones enjoy more connection, comfort, and support, while spending less time managing day-to-day responsibilities.

The best way to determine whether it’s the right fit for your loved one is to see it firsthand.

Visit our Find a Residence page to explore Chartwell locations near you or a loved one and book a tour at your convenience. You’ll also have the chance to speak with a Retirement Living Consultant, ask questions, and experience the community firsthand.